Change is something that is hard for a lot of people, and I am definitely no exception. I think it is partly because there is a fear-of-the-future aspect in that, we don’t have a crystal ball, so we really cannot say if the ‘change’ will work out, and this feeling is very uncomfortable. With that said, though, I think there is another aspect of change that many people don’t consider, and this is grief. Whether the change is positive or not, I think we all grieve what will be lost when we take that plunge into the unknown; even though the result is growth, we do feel the loss of a “normal” we once knew, because that normal was comfortable and predictable.
I have experienced a lot of loss lately. I have come to understand over the years, that loss doesn’t always have very much to do with death, although death is one type of loss we may experience. But loss can also be situational. We can feel loss from a move to another location, a change in school or employment, or a loss of a relationship that we once treasured. Through the grief that we experience due to these losses, we may also question whether we have in fact, lost our sanity. I think this is a very normal reaction, and it is something I have contemplated quite a lot lately; however, I have determined that my sanity may in fact be the one thing I am absolutely sure I have been able to hang onto. I think there is a lot of comfort in this thought.
When I think of the relationships I have lost lately, I primarily think about whether these have anything left to give. I think indeed, that some of them do not, but some of them really do, and I am hopeful that the positive ones I have lost (or more accurately, the ones I have unknowingly destroyed for different reasons) can eventually be repaired. I think this is the thought that drives me forward most days. I have not always been the best person I can be, but there are also times I am a better person than I thought I was. I think this comes down to being human. As humans, we do make mistakes, and we make them a lot. I think the best thing we can do is to recognize that we are only human and move on, because to dwell on the historical components that have caused another person pain only serves to keep us in that trauma loop.
There is a choice to be made here, and that is the choice to keep moving forward toward whatever our future holds. I don’t think we need to let go of the past per se, but we do need to acknowledge what happened and seek to try to understand why it happened. If we don’t do this, we risk losing hope and that is an unacceptable outcome. So, embrace change. Get to know it. Ask it questions. Perhaps you won’t receive an answer right away, but it will come. Much like humanity, sometimes change needs to just sit there and think about things for a while. And I think that’s okay.